Just one of those weeks...

On the morning show I do, we have a stunt guy named Juan Valdez. His job is to act like a moron and make people laugh. We sent him out on Friday with some High School Musical on Ice tickets and just because I think it's funny...here's a picture I took of him before he left to go out on the streets.

And speaking of work, here's a common misconception about radio personalities: that we lead very exciting and glamorous lives. The truth is that it's 8:36 on a Saturday night and I have no where to go, no one to hang out with. It's a lot lonelier than I ever thought it could be. I've lived here for 8 months and of course I've met some people...but I'm a homebody who likes being domestic...I miss having friends come over for drinks, dinner and movies on the couch. I miss sleep-overs and playing board games. Maybe it's the absence of the significant other that's left a gaping whole...a void...that I can't seem to fill. Or maybe it's just time to grow up and understand that in life you have to make sacrifices. I sacrificed the familiarity of home for the pursuit of a radio career. After four years, I still get homesick...especially on nights like tonight.

Anyways, speaking of the (ex) significant other...he's coming up here tomorrow to watch the Super Bowl. I have mixed feelings about it. We split up almost one year ago. Then a few weeks ago we spent Christmas and New Year's together which made me realize that we're past the point of no return...or so I thought. Then he started expressing an interest in coming to this Super Bowl Party with me. It's at a place called Center Court with an ex-NBA player named Chris Webber (he owns the restaurant). Anyways, I'm taking him to this event tomorrow, that I have to go to for work, which means he's going to meet all of my co-workers and he will officially exist in my "new life" in Sacramento. Up until this point, he's only been relevant in the context of my "old life" which was the life I had in Modesto. It's a bizarre collision...the past and the present. I don't know yet if taking him to our Big Game Party tomorrow is a smart idea. It could either go well...or...not well.

And to be completely honest, I have very selfish reasons for wanting him to come. For those of you who don't know, my ex is a male model. Not like an Armani underwear model...but like a McAfee Anti-Theft File Protection box model. Don't believe me? Check this out:

That's him. Walk into any Best Buy and you can pick up the box and see for yourself. He's also done work for GNC, Men's Wearhouse, Blue Marlin and a few other companies. Anyways, the point of all this is that the people I work with probably think I'm lying when I tell them what he does so I figure if he comes with me tomorrow, I can finally prove to everyone that I'm not making this stuff up. I can prove that he does exist and that, in fact, the chubby radio girl really did used to get it on with a hot tamale. I told you it was selfish. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Plus, I need to have a little fun...the past couple of days at work have royally sucked. I've had run-ins with rude callers (plural, as in there have been multiple), my boss, another co-worker and of course, then there's the information I learned about my roommate (see last post for that story)...so needless to say it's just been one of those weeks.

Go Steelers.

This is insane! Really, really insane!

Just when I think my life can't possibly get any more crazy something like THIS (what I'm about to tell you) happens. Yesterday we had an in-studio with Katy Perry and before every interview, I try to do a little research...so as to avoid a run-in like the one I had with Jamie Kennedy. My Jamie Kennedy story is too long to go into right now but I will tell you this, it ended with me telling him that Punk'D was way better (and more successful) than the Jamie Kennedy Experiment, which is probably why people watched it and it didn't get cancelled the way his show did. I like to refer to that interview as the JK Smackdown. Whatever. He needed it.

Anyways, with Katy I was having to look a few things up to make sure I knew which Grammy category she was nominated for - it's Best Female Pop Vocal for I Kissed a Girl, in case you were wondering - stuff like that. I also had to think up of some new questions at the last minute because they sent over the list of off-limit-topics and of course, most of what I was going to ask her was on the list. No talking about Travis McCoy, no mentioning the Matrix cd on iTunes, etc...well, while I was doing my research I missed a call from an Unavailable number on my cell phone. After the interview I listened to the message and it was from the Public Defender's office in Washington DC.

Now, keep in mind...I got this call on my CELL PHONE. My heart stopped beating. My mind started racing. What the fuck have I done that I'm in trouble with the government for and an attorney is calling me on my cell phone for??? The message I got asked me to call them back and after a few moments of panic-stricken nail biting (see picture) .


BTW - My finger is sore today because I bit the nail so low. Anyways, when I called back the lady on the phone asked me to confirm that my roommate and I lived at 4239 Yadda Yadda Dr. I said yes and then asked if everything was ok. Keep in mind, she knew my name, my roommates name AND our exact address. She told me that everything was fine but that my roommate had been subpoenaed to testify in a hearing and she just needed to confirm our address.

After I got off the phone with her I sent a text to my roommate. I said, "Hey I just wanted to give you a heads up. I got a call from the public defender's office in DC and they wanted to confirm your/our address...everything ok?" She texted me right back with, "What did you tell them?" At that point, I knew something was up. I wrote her back, "They totally caught me off-guard...they knew our names and address so I said yes...that we lived there."

Then she called me.

Are you ready for what I'm going to tell you next? Hold on to your hats my friends...

She explained to me that she's in witness protection because she has to testify on behalf of the prosecution for a MURDER trial coming up in March. She explained to me the difference between federal witness protection (when you have to change your identity and cut-off all contact with people from your past) and just regular witness protection when the government pays for you to move somewhere and they help protect your identity so that if someone tries to look you up, they won't be able to find you...or at least, they'd have a hard time tracking you down. Unfortunately, my roommate just bought a car...they traced it to our address...then to my name on the lease...and then to my CELL PHONE number. How creepy is that? They aren't supposed to be able to find her but because she used her real name when she bought her car they traced her (through me) and now she said the District Attorney's office in DC might have to relocate her again. AND, to top it off, the public defender who is trying to prove the murderer's innocence (the person she is testifying against) knows where we live!

Someone upstairs must get a big kick out of putting me in awkward living situations. What am I supposed to do now? Seriously, what do I do? Part of me feels like she should have mentioned that she's in witness protection before she moved-in with me but then I guess that would kind of defeat the purpose of being a protected witness, right? Am I at risk? Am I in danger? Oh fuck me sideways with a wooden spoon! Don't get me wrong, I love her to death...she's a great roommate...but FUCK. What do I do? Nothing? Something? And if so, what?

Just when I thought I had gotten all of the psycho roommate situations out of my system! Not that she's psycho, but I mean the situation...it's kinda psycho. This is the kind of stuff you see in movies. And I've already survived one super duper crazy (like, mental) roommate...WTF?

Oh Holy Hell.

I haven't checked in for a few days. The good news is that now I have a lot to talk about. The bad news is that most of it is going to be stress-filled whining and complaining. Take it or leave it. Honestly, I'm not even sure where to start. Might as well start with this morning. It was raining when I woke up. My other dog (not Parker) is named Moxie and she has been crapping all over my house when I leave to go to work...I guess she gets very nervous and/or anxious...anyways, I decided I probably needed to start crating her again when I leave and I thought that her crate was in the trunkof my car. When I went to get it, it wasn't there. So I decided to take her to with (it's just for one day, right?) and off we went. I stopped for coffee at Starbucks around 4:55 am and as I was sitting in line at the drive-thru...yes, there was a line at the Starbuks drive-thru at 4:55 in the morning...I saw the KCRA news van sitting not too far away. There as a reporter and a camera guy standing in the rain...obviously doing a segment about the rain....guess it was a slow news day. The whole time I was thinking to myself, "Oh holy hell! They better not think they're going to interview me with NO makeup on and a head full of unwashed hair piled on top of my head!"

Sure as shit, as I got my cup of coffee and tried to pull forward, the young perky reporter (in full makeup, in the rain, in her cute little rain suit) all but jumped in front of my car to flag me down. The camea guy ran up, shoving his camera in my face and she started asking me moronic questions like, "What does the rain mean to you?" and "I see you drive a convertible, guess you won't be putting the top down today, how else is the rain affecting your plans?" Keep in mind it was 4:55 in the morning, I had crusty's in both eyes AND saying that I looked like a homeless person would be an understatement. I probably looked more like someone who had just escaped from the insane asylum! I'm not kidding...I'm not one of those girls who can get away with not wearing any makeup. I applaud those who can, but I ain't one of them. When you work in radio, it gives youthe perfect excuse to say oh fuck it, I get up at the ass crack of dawn and I'm going to go to work looking like a looney tune if I feel like it!

So I continue on to work, praying the whole way that they'll cut out my interview...not likely considering they LOVED that I had Moxie in the car with me.

To make a long story short...I have no idea if they ever wound up airing it...but it was a nightmare, worst-case-scenario if I've ever experienced one.

Add in to the mix the fact that I feel generally overwhelmed right now...a feeling that always seems to coincide with PMS and comes close to invoking a full-blown anxiety attack. I bite all my nails off. I'm like a raging hormone-aholic. And to top it off, I just finished my bag of peanuts as I stumbled across an article about Salmonella in peanut butter. Oh holy hell. Wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake?

There is one little beacon of positivity I'd like to mention. I have successfully written my first screenplay. Don't laugh. I'm trying to find people (I trust) to read and help me revise it right now. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be brave enough to post it on here...

Anyways, the main reason I wanted to check-in on here is to get this out of my system. Here's the deal: I mentioned earlier that while I was living in Modesto I very stupidly bought a house there. This, of course, was right before the housing market crashed so I am upside down on it right now...and when I say upside down...I mean, like $65,000 upside down. Since I can't sell it, I've been renting it out. The two guys who were living there both decided to move out recently (one went down to San Diego and the other bought a house of his own). I've been looking for new tenants and the whole process is making me bat shit crazy.

The major problem is that my mortgage and HOA's are about $1450 per month but other places in my neighborhood are renting for $1000. Trying to be crafty, I thought I could get more bang for the buck by renting out both rooms individually and including utilities in the rent (since they're all still in my name) to make it sound like a great deal. I've been charging $700 for the master bedroom and $600 for the smaller one. It doesn't take a math whiz to see that even though I'm getting $1300 for the place, I'm still minus $150 per month PLUS all of the utilities on the place....so all in all, I'd say it's about $300 out of my pocket every month just to hold on to the place until the market turns back around.

Follow?

Anyways, I have found two females who want to move in on February 1st and so far they have managed to royally piss me off over petty, insignificant crap. It'll get me too worked up to go into all of the details of it right now so I'm going to stop....

And for the sake of your sanity and mine, I'm going stop bitching and I'm going to leave you with a picture I took of Moxie hanging out in the studio with me today...so damn cute!

And isn't it ironic...don't ya think?

Well, of all the ironies in life...

A couple of months ago I was told that I'd be doing mornings AND middays at the new radio station I work for. I'm on the air from 5:30 in the morning until 2:00 in the afternoon. It's not manual labor or even slightly difficult work but it is double the hours I was previously working for no extra money. Our morning show ends at 10:00 and while I watch my partners head home between 11:00 and 11:30, I can't help but get a little bitter...knowing that I still have a couple of hours to go.

Listen, I'm not delusional. A monkey could do my job. It's not hard. And I'm employed, which I'm extremely thankful for right now...so I hope this doesn't come off sounding too whiny. I know this is part of the due-paying process and I'm prepared to pay them diligently.

Anyways, here in Sacramento we get our ratings every three months. Our ratings tell us "how good of a job we're doing" even though the data is semi-accurate (at best). I will have you know that my midday show, is the #1 rated midday show in all of Sacramento...which is great...but it would definitely be greater if it meant I'd be getting something for it! And isn't it ironic, don't ya think?

It was still exciting. I went out to celebrate last night by taking Parker to get his doggie enema (insert sarcasm here). It had been a whole week since he had taken a dump. When he finally crapped, it came out looking like chocolate pudding (enjoy your Snack Pack today) and I dry heaved all around the outside, dog-walking area at his vet's office. Another $70 spent and all they did was stick a nozzle up his backside and squirt some liquid in him...rip off!

So I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes being #1 is only good for a pat on the back...and sometimes you're better at the things you weren't hired to do...but at least my dog FINALLY had a bowel movement!

PS - I have discovered a major problem with my Snuggie. It generates/creates more static than a damn turbine! I still like it. I still get made fun of for wearing it. It's not about the fashion my friends, it's all about the comfort.

I love my Snuggie.

Now, before you judge my decision to buy a Snuggie, let me explain how I got this ----------------->

We've all seen the commercial on TV and whether you're willing to admit it or not, at least a small part of you has thought, "Man...I could use that Snuggie when I'm _________" (insert laying on the couch, camping, at the game, or whatever other action verb you choose to partake in). Most of us, however, would never actually call the 800 number and buy one.

Flash forward to 5:00 this morning. I stopped at Walgreen's to buy a Diet Coke before work and wouldn't you know...there on the shelf...in all their glory...was a display of Snuggie's! It was early, the store was empty and no one would see me buy it, so I tucked one under my arm and marched up to the check-out. The guy laughed at me (which is exactly what I would expect him to do) and then I came to work. As I'm sitting here typing this, I'm wearing my Snuggie and I will not lie...I LOVE it. It's very warm. It's like a full body fleece poncho with sleeves to stick your arms through. I wish it clasped in the back somehow but oh well.

PS - Parker still hasn't taken a dump.

PPS - They also sell an assortment of other "As Seen on TV" products at Walgreens...Kinoki Foot Pads, Ped Eggs, Aqua Globes, etc. I will be going back after work today to buy more useless crap!

Parker Poop.

Puppy is still pitiful. They took his cast off his leg this morning, which means they also took his Fentanyl patch off...a morphine pain patch which, incidentally, causes constipation. Parker hasn't crapped since Tuesday and now I'm having to give him canned pumpkin from the grocery store to try and make him poop. If that doesn't work, we're going to have to resort to a doggie enema!?!? I didn't even know those existed. I can tell his little tummy hurts because it's making all kinds of funny noises. I'm feeding him canned pumpkin at every meal because the last thing I want to do is put a nozzle up my dog's ass so he can spray poo all over the place. Gross. I get the willies just thinking about it. At least we're almost a full week into the "healing process" which means he'll be back to his old self in no time.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm faced with a big decision right now. I've been in California for almost 4 years now. Recently, my dad has proposed that we go into business together. He would be the investing partner and I would be the managing partner. It would mean leaving behind my life in the wild west to go back home. I've started making a list of pro's and con's on both sides. I'm looking for definitive clarity. It's nowhere to be found.

Since I've been working in radio I've met some of the most famous people in the world. I've been to the Grammy's. I've gone on two free cruises to Mexico. I've done New Year's in Lake Tahoe and run wild through the streets of San Francisco. I've met amazing people. I've gotten lots of free stuff. I've been in three TV commercials and I've seen Bobby Lee naked. I'd have to give all of that up. On the flip side, I've always dreamed of owning my own business and now my dad is offering me the chance to achieve that goal without me having to come up with all of the money I'd have to have (which I don't have) if I were trying to do it by myself.

I won't be making the decision any time in the near future. It's definitely something I'll be marinating over for the next couple of months. Life is about making decisions and the hard part is not knowing in advance if you're making the best choice. What if I get home and hate it? What if I pass on the chance to go home and the window of opportunity closes and I wind up kicking myself for not going? What if I walk away from radio and miss out on a huge career? I make myself crazy with these questions...

Well, tomorrow it's back to the grind. Let's all hope Parker has a bowel movement tonight!

Seriously, did that really just happen?

Today was one of those very strange days that leaves you scratching your head and asking, "Seriously, did that really just happen?" We had a guy named Bobby Lee come in (he's one of the MADtv cast members) because he's doing a stand-up comedy tour and is performing at the Punchline in Sacramento all weekend. I've seen a lot of random things happen in the few short years I've been working in radio but the randomness of today left me speechless...literally.

I don't remember what provoked it, but out of nowhere, Bobby Lee decided to get naked in the middle of our studio. When he started taking off his shirt, I laughed. When he started unzipping his pants, I laughed harder. When he dropped his pants, I expected to see his chones but there were none. He stood there, BUTT ASS NAKED, in the middle of the room...and of course I grabbed my cell phone and started taking pictures!

I still laugh uncontrollably when I look at the picture...and I know I could never do the story justice, when I tell it in the future, without photographic evidence to prove that it actually happened. Seriously, did that really just happen?

I also learned a very important message over the past couple of days. I have learned that taking a small cute dog (Parker) with a cast on his leg (see picture in last post) to work with me has made me quite popular. I was riding up the elevator earlier today and there was a super hot guy who decided to tell me all about his Rottweiler (sp) who had a similar surgery due to a torn ligament in his knee. I decided at that point that, injured or not, Parker will wear his cast indefinitely and I will bring him to work with me everyday. When super hot guy got off on the 3rd floor, I looked at Parker and gave him a little mini high five for a job well done! Nice work, my friend.

The things we do for love...

This is the reason (above) I sold my California King Sleep Number Bed by Select Comfort. The $6,000 bed I got FOR FREE when I endoresed Sleep Train Mattress Center was one of my most prized possessions...I had to sell one "love of my life" to pay for the other love of my life's surgery. The things we do for love...



I slept on the couch for a few nights before deciding that was not fun...at all...so I went to one of those factory direct warehouses and bought a new bed for less than I sold my old one for. The guys at the "store" were acting like shady used-car salesmen so I decided to threaten them to get them to act right. Now, I'm not a "you don't know who you're messing with" kind of person but in the face of feeling completely screwed with and taken advantage of, I pulled out my trump card. I said, "If you guys try to fuck me over, I swear to God I will go on the radio and tell all of Sacramento how seedy, sketchy and shitty your business is. If you think I'm joking, try me."



Needless to say, I wound up leaving with the bed I wanted at a price I was willing to pay.



I use the word "store" in air quotes because it wasn't really a store at all...more like some Mafia run, back-alley, illegal operation staffed with meat-head guidos accessorized in gold chains and other token bling items. I don't really care where all the stuff came from so long as I don't have to give my bed back without a full refund. If the police come knocking, I'm singing like a canary.



Anyways, not much is going on this week. I have to go to Modesto on Saturday to show my house to new potential renters. I found out today that my Homeowner's Association is suing the builder's of our neighborhood for faulty and/or negligent construction and I got forms in the mail today from an attorney's office about the situation. One of the things I'm hoping to learn how to do this year is get rich quick so I may be well on my way...who knows! A girl can dream...

And finally, in a strange turn of events...said "ex" who broke my heart (see last post) has seemingly had a change of heart...perhaps not fully, but I will explain more later. I don't feel lik getting into it right now.

Already late.

It's January 3rd which means I'm already three days late starting this. I used to write posts on Myspace but I had to be careful about what I said. I guess there are just some things that not everyone needs to know...like my dad...more specifically...who began reading them. So I'm back to where I started - on here. It was this exact same site I used to come to, almost four years ago, when I first moved to California to write about my new life in the wild west. I wish I could find some of those old posts. They would probably be good for a laugh. It's hard for me to remember the first few months I spent out here. It all feels like a lifetime ago. It's like I have memories of certain events that took place...but I'm not convinced they were actually real.


Well, let's start at the beginning for the newcomers.


I'm a radio dj. That's why I moved to California in the first place. My real name is Megan but I go by Reagan on the radio. It's an alias (most of us use them) and sometimes an alter-ego. The very short version of a long story goes something like this:


May of 2005 - Graduated from college and moved to Modesto...yes THAT Modesto...to co-host a morning show on a radio station. It's a very smll town with a bad reputation, for good reason. I worked with two assholes who I didn't like very much. I didn't like them because they tried to get me fired. But of all the great ironies in life, their plan backfired. One of them got fired, the other got taken off of mornings and moved to afternoons. I got to start a new chapter with a new partner. He was much easier to work with and we took our show to number 1 in a very short period of time. I made more money, got a promotion, became a music director, bought a house, fell in love with a boy and subsequently, got my heart broken...not necessarily in that order.


This all lead to a job offer in Sacramento, CA.

(Side note: Modesto is #108 as far as radio markets go. There are approximately 317 Arbitron rated radio markets in the U.S. The lower the number, the bigger the market. New York City is #1 and the Florida Keys are #317, just to put it all in perspective. Sacramento is #27 which was a huge jump for me. I was beyond excited about making the jump.)


May 2008 - Accepted job in Sacramento.

June 2008 - Moved to Sacramento.

September 2008 - Company transferred me to a different station, still in Sacramento, just working with different people.

November 2008 - Was told I'd be doing mornings AND middays for no extra pay. This means I'm on the air from 5:30 in the morning until 2:00 in the afternoon. But hey, I'm lucky to be employed and sometimes I like doing both. I just wish pulling double-duty meant I'd be getting paid a double salary. So far, that's a no-go.

January 2009 - The present.

In the first three days of 2009 I have successfully read the entire screenplay of Revolutionary Road online, which is amazing. I also sold my California King Sleep Number bed by Select Comfort to pay for my dogs second knee surgery (which means I have nothing to sleep on right now) and I have entered to win the HGTV dream home three times at www.hgtv.com - I am harnessing the power of The Secret to help me win it.

This year is going to be interesting.