To close out the year...

I woke up this morning and felt a mix of emotions. It's the end of one of the most tumultuous (not necessarily in a bad way) years of my entire life. Big changes. Bigger harsh realities. Biggest life lessons learned. I wouldn't trade any of it, but on some days I'm not quite sure how I survived it.

I know I need to thank my mom and dad for their consummate - although I'm sure it wasn't indubitable - support. I wouldn't have been able to tap into my inner prowess had it not been for knowing they'd stand behind me - even if everything went to hell in a handbasket. They took me in when I was an unemployed vagabond (literally) with no "plan B" and only softly strummed the guilt guitar when my tab really started adding up. I know I'll never, ever, ever be able to repay them monetarily or emotionally or verbally or otherwise for that which they have given me but I hope deep down they know that I adore them with all my heart. I'm forever grateful, indebted and in awe of their unwavering unconditional love.

Here are the rest of my wishes for the people (in no particular order) who matter most in the New Year:

AGS - My brother. Probably the most nonjudgmental person I've ever met, I don't know how you do it. Sometimes I can't even comprehend how it's possible for someone to remain so level-headed with all the madness that life brings. I don't think there's anything you couldn't handle or take on or accomplish...you're kind of like a superhero to me. Of all the people in the whole wide world, I feel like you get me and understand me the most (and like me despite it all). We don't talk every day (or every week) but you're always there - and I take great comfort in knowing that. I love you. May 2011 bring you what you deserve...nothing short of the absolute best.

SH (Y) - There are many miles between us now but we still talk like we see each other everyday. I'm so thankful I have you to call and text when things are either really good or really bad or somewhere in between. Whether it's a quick "Hi, how's your day going?" or "I really need to talk" you're my go-to confidant. I know 2010 was, at times, a rough year for you. I hope 2011 brings you more sunny days than gray skies...but should it not, you can stand under my umbrella =) I'm never more than a phone call away.

MBM - A baby is on the way and she'll be here soon! I can't believe we've been friends for 17 years. When did we get so old and grown up? Over the years we've kind of drifted in and out of each others peripherals (which tends to happen) but even as our lives have taken us in different directions, somehow we've managed to wind up closer now than we've been since middle school. The power of "the posse" is alive and well. I love that I've been able to grab your belly - as much as I'm sure you hate it - and spend time with the cutest peanut in the world - and experience Scarowinds - and be at your baby shower - and ring in the New Year with you tonight. My 2011 wish for you is (of course) to have a healthy, beautiful new baby to add to your already beautiful family. I also hope you experience as few sleepless nights in the coming months as little Sailor will allow and always remember that Aunt Megan is ready to teach your daughters how to drive - as soon as they turn 13.

GSM - You survived your first year of marriage in 2010. Well done. Then again, you snagged a good one. One of my favorite moments of this entire past year was driving you home from Blues, Brews and Barbecue. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life (even if you don't remember all of the things you said). Loved our Christmas Eve talk at Target. It's now a tradition. You give so much of yourself to others, I hope that in 2011 you'll remember to take a little time out for yourself every once in a while. Don't worry, I'll remind you in case you forget. Stop. Slow down. Take a nap (I'll come take one with you).

HAAA - "The condor was a blockade runner, commanding the ship couldn't be more funner." I'm still holding out hope that someday we'll open our all-in-one doctor's office/pharmacy. We were really on to something when we came up with our 4th grade business plan for Fergusonville. Although, considering you're an engineer, who's relocating to Europe, and I'm a radio d.j. it doesn't look good for us. I could spend hours recounting my favorite memories with you: Shirley, Star Knopp, baby hamsters, TLC/Boyz II Men/MC Hammer, Mrs. Misenheimer, passing notes, we're not friends anymore, Vanessa Williams, Oogum Boogum, trampolines, fried bologna sandwiches...seriously, this could go on and on. My wish for you in 2011 is that you love your new life in Germany. I can't wait to come visit.

JMB - Your 2010 was full of ups and downs. Between your back surgery and car accident and job drama and breakup...you have an impenetrable optimism that is to be admired. I know you wonder why you've had to go through some of the things that have happened. I wish I had an answer (or explanation) that would make it all make sense. I'm going on the record, 2011 is going to be your year. Its got to be...no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Whether you wind up moving to Portland, going back to school, falling in love, or all (or none) of the above - I hope your 2011 roller coaster ride has more peaks than dips. Enjoy the ride while you're on it. Hold on tight when it gets bumpy and let go, throw your hands up and enjoy the view when you're on top.

TF - Good God do you have any idea how much I envy your ferocity? You attack everything in life boldly. You tell it like it is. You say what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. That trait alone is so hard to find in other people. And even when you're giving it to me straight, and let's be honest...the truth can be a tough pill to swallow...you do it with an articulation that remains unrivaled by anyone else in my life. My wish for you in 2011 is just to keep kicking ass and taking names. You're already so good at it that I can't imagine anything less for you. May you also continue to hone your craft and believe wholeheartedly in what you do and appreciate yourself for the Wonder Woman that you are.

JG - The Jew and the Catholic...the conservative and the liberal...we're about as opposite as two individuals can be. I always tell people you are the salt of the Earth. As I've said in the past, you're one of the few I would ever consider putting on a pedestal because I am confident that that's where you belong. You're so grounded, driven, full of big ideas and bigger dreams. You are firm in your faith and treat others with respect and compassion - even when you don't agree with them...and selfishly, I hope that 2011 brings you to Charleston so I can have you here...my concert buddy...and sushi companion...and all around inspiring presence.

TJ - One of the few people who knows exactly what I go through each and every day. There is no one else I can call when I have a professional question, problem, or issue I need to vent about. You get it. My wish for you in 2011 is, of course, continued success and stability (in a very unstable career). I hope you find what you're looking for in a partner, let go of that which is not worth your time - and never was - or perhaps, finally find the answers to the questions that have plagued you for many years. You deserve them. You need the truth, whatever it may be.

"Just" JG - Your mother. I'm glad you're here. You are neurotic and you drive me crazy...the pesky little brother I never had. But I know 2011 has big things in store for you. Who knows, maybe we'll finally get to collaborate. If not in the coming year, at some point. Do you think you could handle it? I would love to see you come into that $$$ and get those gigs and pursue some of the big dreams and side projects you have in the works (or simmering on the back burner).

DV - OPG forever and for always. I don't know how it's possible for someone to be as funny, smart, sensitive, kind and generous as you are. You're the triple threat of friends. Rock solid and as hard-to-come by as a bad Jack Handy quote. (There are so many good ones). I hope that now that I'm closer, we'll be able to spend more time together - which hasn't happened yet - but in 2011 my wish for you (and us) is to find a way to carve out a little piece, chunk, or section of our busy lives to devote to some one-on-one face (not Facebook) time.

HF - Girl, girl, girl. Sometimes I feel like we live the same life. I could write paragraphs about the unspoken bond you and I share and the inherent understanding that lies between us. But because it's so personal and deeply important to me, I'm going to keep this short and sweet. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman (and mom) and you have so much to offer. You are a lioness, ready to roar. In 2011, I want to hear you ROAR. I know you can. Show the rest of the world what you're capable of.

RM - If I know you as well as I think I do, I know you probably won't read this...and if you do, you probably won't realize that this is about you. But it is. Sometimes I'm not sure whether you mean what you say...but I want you to have everything you say you want in the coming year.

RH - Way to go jackass. Thank goodness I have unlimited texting. I'm not sure why some people come into our lives when they do...or why their presence makes such an impact. But in my life, yours has. Thanks for that. Sometimes we get to meet those rare people who, only after a couple of months, we feel like we've known forever. I love that you color outside the lines. I love that you look at things a little differently. And I'm going to miss you when you're gone. I hope that your transition in 2011 is a smooth one. I hope you make the best of what lies ahead of you and always remember that I rely on my "goodmorning sunshine" - it helps get me through the day.

To the rest of you reading this right now, I sincerely apologize if I forgot you specifically. I truly do have the most amazing friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. If I were to try to tell each and every one of you how important you are to me, I'd spend the next few years of my life taking inventory and trying to express those feeling adequately...even then, I probably couldn't do you all justice.

Here's to everyone in 2011.

May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may love fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

Rapture.

People don't use the word "rapture" enough. It's such a great word and I never hear it used. Why is that? I'm bringing rapture back.

Christmas is officially less than a week away.

In less than two weeks (when 2011 arrives) I'll be starting the last few months of my 20's, as the dirty 30's creep closer and closer. I think there's something that happens to every woman - and perhaps person - when "milestone" birthdays start to loom. You start taking stock, comparing and contrasting your life against those of the people around you...you question, you second-guess, you panic, you simplify (or over-complicate) depending on what you're trying to accomplish in a mad-dash to beat the buzzer, you reflect, you worry, you plan (perhaps the most pointless of your endeavors) and you prepare for when the plans go in the exact opposite direction of where you wanted them to go. Whatever the inherent drive is, from wherever it derives, and whatever fuels it is starting to consume my every thought. I find myself in a constant state of madness, where random (and insane) ideas dart through my mind like a big game of pinball. They go ding, ding, ding...bump, di-di-di-ding...and I'm hitting the flappers as fast as I can to keep the ideas in motion so they don't fall through the black hole, the abysmal and abominable "game over" hole.

This, of course, can be quite overwhelming at times.

Lately I've been plagued with ideas about whether or not children are in the cards for me. I like kids but I don't feel that burning desire to be a mother...and if you're going to have them, shouldn't you really, really, really want them? Children change everything. I hate change. Am I too selfish to have kids? What happens if the window of opportunity closes and I regret (later) that I never had them? What if I do have them and then regret that I did it? There's no going back...it's a pretty permanent situation.

I don't blame you for thinking I'm crazy. I am crazy.

But sometimes I wake up on Sunday mornings and my mind is extra-full of neurotic notions and try as I may, there's no "turning it off."

Maybe I'll try to distract myself with a little Christmas shopping.

I just need a compass and a willing accomplice.

I'm ready to move again because I'm a runner...not in the literal sense...but when things don't go my way, I want to pack up and roll out. I just need a compass and a willing accomplice.

I've only been in SC for about 9 weeks but in that time I've managed to find myself in a sticky situation. It involves a boy, of course. Long story short, I invested, let my guard down, put myself out there (for the first time in a long time) and then got burned. He took me to his work Christmas party last night and then spent the entire time texting some other chick. WTF? Well of course once we left the party I let him know that I thought it was rude and the argument escalated and the next thing I know we're going our separate ways.

It's for the best. I know that.

Next.

I've had some exciting things happen recently too. I won the 11th annual celebrity chili cook-off to benefit the Charleston Animal Society. I didn't realize how big of a deal (and accomplishment) this was until I returned to work on Monday and people actually applauded for me. It was like a scene from The Office. Here's the video:




I also scored an endorsement from a clothing store in the area. Instead of paying me a talent fee, they're giving me free clothes. I went over there this past Tuesday and had my very own "Pretty Woman" experience. I spent five and a half hours trying on dresses, fur coats, shoes, jeans, etc. I had $1800 to spend and when it was all over I was somewhere in the $1550 range. I loaded bags upon bags into my car and came home happy as a clam. The Tory Burch boots are my favorite.


Christmas is officially less than two weeks away, which is blowing my mind. I'm ready to start a new year and try to find some sense of balance and contentedness in my life. I'm hoping it will magically appear in 2011.