Hurry up.

There's no way I could catch you up on the last 6 or 7 months in one post. It's simply not possible. But I'm still here and still feeling very much the same. Most days, everything's fine. I'm generally happy, pretty much content and very much optimistic about the future.

But then there are those days...like today...where I wake up feeling lost, sad, uncertain, worried and filled with self-doubt. I'm not sure where this anxiety laden antsy-ness comes from. It's like an untapped energy source I have no control over. It decides when and where it wants to rear it's ugly head. I don't know how else to describe it except to say that it makes me feel like I'm about to jump out of my own skin. I want to get away but don't know where to go. I want to be someone else but have no clue who that person is. I want to scream but I open my mouth and nothing comes out. The good news is, these moments of intense distress seem to pass pretty quickly and then I'm back to my normal self.

I'm also busy. Very busy. I've never worked so hard for so little in my entire life. I knew that coming back home was going to be an adjustment. I knew it I'd be working more and earning less but I had no idea I'd struggle as much as I have...to survive...financially.

I can also positively tell you that I'm getting closer and closer to feeling ready to settle...not settle for just anything (or the first thing that comes along) but settle down...should the right person come along. I see it happening to the people around me. My single friends are dropping like flies. And I'm happy for them...for the most part. I want what they have, but I also know that having it comes at a price. That price, is called sacrifice. In the past I wasn't willing to give up anything in my life to have a life with someone else. Now I see things a little differently. Maybe that has come with maturity or maybe it's just being more realistic about what it takes to "make it work." It's not that I don't think you can have it all. I'm sure you can. But I'm not sure I want (or need) to have it all. Sounds depressing, I know. What I mean is that as I get older my wants and needs have started to change. I'm willing to give up a little in one department of my life to have more in another. Does that make sense?

Now it's just a matter of sitting quietly, patiently and gratefully for the right thing to come along. I wish it would hurry up.