Crap.
Yesterday I bit the bullet and went with a house that's only 1 mile from our studios. I signed a one year lease and coughed up a $2400 deposit. Cue freak-out. As I was driving home it all hit me. I felt so trapped and locked-in. Granted, my contract here is through November of 2010...but still, I hadn't actually planned on staying that long. And while most people are searching for commitment and stability right now, I find the prospect of being here for another year...daunting.
I came to work this morning and told Jay that I had rented another house and how nervous I was about it when he made an interesting revelation. He said, "You don't like to be tied-down to anything do you?"
I was very quick to shoot him down with, "No it's not that. It's just that the house is really old and I've never lived in an older house and what if something happens and I'm in this lease that I can't get out of...what if the people who move into the guest house in my backyard are the neighbors from hell..."
"Exactly," he said. "You want to have the freedom to leave at any time without anything holding you back."
Again I told him that he was wrong, that it was just the house that makes me nervous...that I was having second thoughts about getting a place that was built in the 1920's. There are two houses on the property. The front house (the one I rented) is the main house but the back house is a 2 br/1 ba guest cottage and I don't have any say in who moves into it. Whoever takes it will be living in my backyard. What if it's a disaster? Jay said I'd have reservations about any house I found...and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he might be right about me. I have so many big ideas and visions of what I want my future to be like. Unfortunately Sacramento isn't part of the equation so knowing, now, that I might have to invest another year here makes me feel uncomfortable.
Not to mention, I'm going to be on my own...living by myself...for the first time ever, really. I've had 19 roommates in the past 10 years. This is where I get a little finicky because as much as I need my space and know it's time to do my own thing, I also don't know if I can handle being all by myself. What if I get lonely? What if I get scared?
And more importantly, what in the hell is the matter with me?
Why can't I just be glad that I have a great job and a super cool new house to live in?
Please don't think I'm completely crazy...I'm not 100% gone yet...there's hope that I'll make it back to this side of normal at some point. I just can't help second guessing everything. Did I pick the wrong house or is there something inherent in my personality causing me to feel uneasy about my decision?
Anyways, enough about that. I went and saw G.I. Joe over the weekend (not by choice) and I have to be honest, I was entertained. I felt like a complete dumb ass when I said...out loud...that I thought G.I. Joe was the name of the main character Army dude. Apparently that's a huge faux pas because the G.I. Joe-ites were offended. While the people in my group were laughing at me, some guy sitting in front of me turned around and schooled me on the history of the Real American Heroes.
I'm now an expert in all things Joe.
We also had Tim Meadows on the show last week. I used to love his Ladies Man character on SNL...so I was excited to hang out with him for the morning. Unfortunately, Tim was upstaged by one of his improv apprentices from Second City...I don't remember his name but he was wearing a shmedium Jazzercise t-shirt and I got a good laugh out of it.
Jay ruined the picture, but you get the idea:
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