The Wonderful World of Dating.

Wanted to get one in before the end of the month...almost made it.

August kicked my ass.

That being said, I figured I'd start September strong.

I went on a date Sunday night. I know, I know...Sunday is an odd choice. Here's what happened: this past weekend I was hell-bent on getting the rest of my stuff from my old house. I got up Saturday morning and went over to Yaana's to see her new place and catch up a little before heading over to the house. While we were hanging out she told me about meetup.com - a website where you can find people with similar interests...then you join their group and go do things together. She knew that I had been looking for a writer's group and suggested that I check it out.

When I got home that afternoon, I logged on and decided to start my own group...I called it Transplants...for people who moved to Sacramento from other parts of the country. Almost instantly I got an e-mail saying that someone had joined my group. Perfect. His name was Elliot and he was 26 years old. I had set up a bounce-back message to anyone who joined the group saying, "Thanks for joining...looking forward to meeting you...if you can't make it to the first outing, let me know what days/times work best for you...blah, blah, blah."

He sent me an e-mail back within a couple of minutes. He said that he wasn't sure if he could make the first outing...had just started law school at McGeorge...didn't know anyone in the area yet...and at the end of his message he signed it, "Shalom." Now, I'm not a very diligent Jew but I do know what that means. So I e-mailled him back. Instead of beating around the bush, I went straight for the kill. The e-mail I sent him read, "Are you Jewish, by chance?" His reply, "Yes."

JACKPOT.

Keep in mind, I've never really had Jewish friends so I was taking this as a sign from up above. I responded with, "Awesome! Me too!"

From there, we wound up as Facebook friends...and all the while I was thinking to myself, maybe this is more than a coincidence. Sure enough, we chatted it up for a while and then he asked if I wanted to get together sometime. Now this is outside of the meetup.com rules because the point of the website is to engage in group acitivities. Whatever. I might have just found a future Jewish attorney and I sure as hell wasn't about to let that oppotunity pass me by. I agreed, but was unable to meet him Saturday night because I had to host the CBS suite at Arco Arena for the circus...yes, you read that correctly...I spent my Saturday night watching elephants take dumps inside Arco Arena. I told him that maybe we could meet up the next day and sure enough, after I finished running errands on Sunday we made plans to get together. Nothing exciting. Coffee. It's casual and safe...just the way I like it.

DISCLAIMER: I am not homphobic in any way. I love the gays. I love, love, love the fabulosity. That being said, I don't want to date a closet gay. The reason I'm telling you this will become important in a minute.

So we meet for coffee. He's cute...funny...and very nice....but the first thing I notice is that he's clearly gay. I'm not going to lie...I felt a little silly...I had shown up under the impression that maybe...just maybe...I was going to meet this young, educated, cute, Jewish, future attorney...we'd hit it off and live happily ever after (a bit of a stretch but you get the idea). When he got there, it seemed so obvious. It wasn't just the way he talked, but his mannerisms, body language, everything...and again, I hate to perpetuate stereotypes but c'mon...when it's obvious, it's obvious.

I thought to myself, Oh ok...he's gay, no big deal. In fact, I was more than excited to meet a new potential BFF who would enjoy watching old episodes of Sex and the City with me. Plus, thinking he was gay totally put me at ease. I was almost relieved that he wasn't someone I was going to have to work overly hard to impress.

He told me that he used to work for Wella (the shampoo/hair company) and that he loved romantic comedies and that one of his favorite pastimes was to sit around drinking coffee and "gossiping." Hello? What was I supposed to think? To me, that's not even metrosexual questionable...that's all the way gay. Nothing wrong with it...at all...like I said, I love the gays!

Then out of nowhere he starts telling me about his ex-girlfriend. At first I thought, maybe he's just not comfortable telling me yet. I nodded along and listened to the story. "She" is in law school in Washington DC. "She" broke his heart. "She" is the only person he's ever really loved. Sometimes he wasn't sure if he'd ever really get over it and move on with his life. I could relate. I had been there. As the night went on, he kept referring to this girl and I kept assuming that "this girl" was actually a guy.

We spent a good three hours talking at the coffee shop. When it was time to go we hugged and promised to hang out again soon. I had really enjoyed his company...and looked forward to our future as besties.

Then came the text messages.

Message One: I had a really good time with you tonight. I'd like to ask you out again and next time it will be a real date. We can go anywhere you want.

Wait, did I miss something?

I texted him back: Thanks...I had fun too. I'd love to hang out again sometime just let me know what works with your schedule bc I know you're going to be super busy with school.

Ready for the kicker?

Message two: I will sexy. Have a good week and get ready for the ride of your life. ;-)

WHAT? I died laughing when I read it and then immediately locked the message on my phone so it will never get deleted...who says that? It was so clearly not a date. It very clearly was a gay guy who is A). in complete denial or B). suppressing the homosexual urges like his life depends on it.

One of my coworkers told me that he probably wants me to be his "beard" (aka: the person he can introduce to his parents as his grilfriend while he gets blowies from other guys on the side). TMI? Sorry, I don't have much of a filter when it comes to discussing these types of topics. It's an interesting thought, but I'm in the market for a man's man. I can handle a little gel in the hair and some manscaping (if you know what I mean) but outside of that, we don't need to compare notes on Jennifer Garner's wardrobe or go get mani/pedi's together...that's what my female friends and gay BFF's are for.

And this, ladies and gentleman, was my reintroduction to the wonderful world of dating. It's good to be back...if for no other reason...than because my luck with men is nothing short of non-existent and that makes for great stories.